Tanis J Events

No that’s not a typo in the heading. Friendors are friends of a couple who are getting married, who will be working for them in some capacity as a vendor at the wedding.

The first category of friendor is someone who doesn’t work weddings on a regular basis. It takes some great timing to ensure the bride and groom, their guests and their vendors are on the same page. For example when a couple goes to cut their cake I always ensure that they are ready (nothing like calling the couple up when one of them is in the restroom), that immediate family is in proximity and that the photographer is ready to capture the shot and the DJ is ready to make the announcement.

Another example of a popular friendor category is that of emcee. One of the purposes of the emcee, ideally the band or DJ is to let the guests know what is happening, but the second and equally important purpose is to get the party started!  Simply announcing “time for the bouquet toss” is not going to send the ladies running onto the dance floor.

The second category of friendor is someone who is a regular wedding vendor. One of the issues with this type of friendor is when they say “I can help you out with that”. Now do they mean they will provide the service for free, will give you a discount or charge you full price? If they are part of a group does that mean the rest of the group will be free or discounted? For example if they are in a band, would the rest of the band play for free? Another consideration would be will the band require any special equipment such as staging?

As a planner one of my biggest challenges with friendors is that there is usually nothing in writing for me to work with. I now require clients to provide written information that a vendor normally would provide such as arrival or delivery time, departure time, what they will be providing, what they will charge, etc. In the event that the friendor and I have a different opinion and I don’t have anything in writing I then I have to turn to you on your wedding day to get the answer, which really defeats one of the purposes of having a planner. I encourage anyone who is using a friendor to write down everything that is agreed upon. This is not only to help your planner or someone else who is helping out, but to ensure the two of you do not end up in a dispute which leads to…

What will you do if your friendor does come through for you? Are you willing to take the chance without the protection of a contract and could you live with the outcome of either being disappointed at your wedding or losing a friend? You might be able to live with food that was lukewarm, but how would you feel if your friend messed up your wedding photos? Again, would you be willing to lose a friend over this?

If your friend is going to act as a professional on your wedding day then treat them like a professional. Put all of your expectations in writing and you will do everyone a favor.